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Reviews of our Humans


Brooks

Brooks

Over lubricated

Review pending.


Jacob

Jacob

Technically a wizard

On a technical level, Jacob’s engine performs flawlessly. His beautiful sweeping vistas and surprisingly lifelike character models all run at a buttery-smooth 60 frames per second. When it comes to the core gameplay, however, Jacob is mostly just a rehash of previous games in the genre. With a confusing plot and a tone that seems sarcastic only for the sake of being contrarian, Jacob is only recommended for diehard fans of the series.

Final Score: 5/10


Matthew

Matthew

Angry swarm of bees

I originally bought this Matt to replace one that broke. Very strong start with high expectations culminate in a weak third act filled with constant distractions, absurdist interpretive mental acrobatics and perfunctory failed self betterment. Product arrived slightly damaged but usable. Spoke to customer service about a refund and they were unresponsive.

Final Score: 3/10